I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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