I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
