just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
