Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I could fuck to npr.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
