Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
