Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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