Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
