those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
