I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
