Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
