the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
