I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
