Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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