I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
