Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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