Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
