it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
