I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
