At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
