Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
