Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
