Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
