i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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