I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
