Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Mom said you looked used
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
