I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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