It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you had me at cake vodka
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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