I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
