I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
