You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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