you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
