I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
