it was like his penis was on wheels.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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