just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
