Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
