Whats the glycemic index on semen?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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