I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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