I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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