just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
