how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
