I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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