I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
