I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
