omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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