We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
