I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
