dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
