Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
