Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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