I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
