is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
