you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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